Vol. II No. 34

Natal Day Department:
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, Dear Sydney, Happy Birthday to you. Lotsa love, Poppy, Niki and Jack

Whatever Happened to this Idea Department:
Bill Paley founded CBS back in the fifties and we would do well to revisit one his most famous observations about television news coverage: “I make money on Jack Benny so I can afford to do the best news.”

Rosie’s Gone Department:
Ms. O’Donnell -- she of the tiff-with-darn-near-everybody -- has departed The View ahead of schedule. The lady got into a live kerfuffle with one of her co-hosts, and her exit closely followed. All together now: “Gee that is toooooooooooo bad!”. The really sad thing about this whole sordid episode is the woman will likely show up somewhere else to spew her venom. Maybe Donald Trump will offer her a job as his PR Director.

Cyber-confessional Department:
Carrying around some guilt you’d like to dump? Try this web site. You can anonymously confess your sins, and if nothing else, get it off your chest without fear of retribution. No word from the site’s administrators if you get absolution.
http://www.ivescrewedup.com/

Ya Couldn’t Make This Up Department :
Topless sales women are legal in Liverpool, England. But only in tropical fish stores. Imagine the City Council meeting at which the idea was first mentioned. “Okay, folks, we’re going to allow topless in some places. Your suggestions for permissable venues welcome. Please submit same in a plain brown envelope, photos will not be returned.”

Finally Hockey Finals Department:
So the annual classic gets under way this week when the Ducks and Sens meet for Lord Stanley’s cup. And for whom might you be cheering? Die-hard Leaf fans will recall this is an event with which they are not familiar. (sorry, couldn’t resist).

Vol. II No. 33

Wit and Wisdom’s original mandate was to present some fun and some observations about the Universe that might stir thought, action, and to hold up a mirror for the odd moment of introspection. Usually that happens in quick sound-bite versions so it doesn’t occupy too much of the readers’ busy lives. Recent events prompt the following more lengthy entry, so if you’re short on time feel free to skip it, and return to whatever you were doing: I won’t be offended.

Yours truly recently spent some time visiting a free public food program that serves more than a hundred people every night. If not for the efforts of one guy-on-a-mission, they would go without a decent meal most of the time. There’s a deep-rooted culture and code of conduct in the place. The commonality they share is a mostly peaceful co-existence, that quietly recognizes we are all in the same boat. Some teens occasionally disturb the peace doing what teens tend to do, and the odd kerfuffle occurs from the older crowd, but generally it’s just a bunch of folks being fed and chatting about events of their day.

The pain and angst rests below the surface, and often shows up in misplaced humour, peppered with obscene gestures and language that, somehow, seem less offensive than it might in another venue. I wrote about the experience and commented:

The good people of our church are so disconnected from this world, and comfortable enough in the little middle-class church neighbourhood, that we have the luxury of pretending it’s nothing to do with us.

That observation drew a response: “What do you think the suburban church can do to truly make a connection with people at the mission?”

Many moons ago, long before the T-shirts, lapel-buttons, colourful wrist bands and billboards emblazoned with WWJD, there was a book called “In His Steps”. The novel, now more than a hundred years old, was written by Charles Sheldon and was about a community that decided they would all respond to every situation they faced based on how they believed Christ would have responded. Four of us were reading the book during a trip to New York City. I was driving the T-roof Thunderbird and got us lost in the middle of the Bronx. Four white middle-class travellers, in the heart of a poverty-stricken black neighbourhood on a very hot June afternoon. After popping a quick U-turn and beating a hasty exit, one of our number referenced the book’s premise and asked “What do you suppose Christ would have done if He had been driving?” Yikes! Aaarrggh! Nothing like an instant lesson to move from academic discussion of literature into the real-world. A lengthy silence followed the question, until one of us said (I’d like to think it was me, but I’m not sure, so let’s just say “somebody”) offered: “He would have stopped the car, got out, and spent time with the people”. Needless-to-say we did not do that.

I thought of that New York experience when asked “What the suburban church can do to make a connection with people at the Mission?” Maybe the answer is as simple as: Drive your middle class car, from your middle class church and stop in at the Mission just to listen to whatever the folks wanna talk about. Underpinning much of what happens there is an unspoken message that essentially says: Please tell me that I matter, that I have value. To somebody!

To learn more of the place in which God has chosen to do some good work visit: http://www.mission.squarespace.com/

And if you’re so inclined, drop me a note to let me know what you think: alan.speak@yahoo.ca

Vol. II No. 32

It’s Not My Fault Department:
All parties in the Commons are taking aim at all other parties these days, thus creating a new low in the dysfunctional nature of the process. Harper blames Dion and his troops, Layton and his gang, and Duceppe and his lot. Aforementioned blame Harper. There’s a kindergarten quality to these machinations that’s almost amusing, if it wasn’t costing so much money. Another battle raging between MP Dean Del Mastro and ex-financial commentator, ex-Toronto Sun Columnist, ex-conservative, ex-cabinet minister, ex-independent MP, and now Liberal back-bencher Garth Turner also has a school-yard ring to it. Seems the latter made a crack about used car salesmen, to which Del Mastro took offence (he being in the car biz. before his election). Grow up boys, get over it. Then there’s the committee that decided to call Hockey Canada officials to a meeting to discuss their selection of a Captain for the National Team. Does anyone else think politicians ought not to get their knickers in a knot about such matters?

Paying for TV Department:
As far back as I can remember Canadian stations have been limited to 12 minutes of commercials per hour during prime-time programming. The governing body (CRTC) just announced the limit will soon increase to 14 minutes, and in a couple of years there will be no limit on commercial content. Someday we may see nothing but commercials, and no programs.

. . . and a Child Shall Lead Them Department:
Two girls, about 8 years old, watched as a couple of adults yelled at each other and made threatening gestures. The scene unfolded in full view of a group of other adults, any one of whom could have stepped in and ended it in seconds, but didn’t make the effort. One could argue that an intervention may have escalated the problem, but whatever the reason, real or imagined, nobody did anything. Until one of the little girls marched up to the combatants and said in a crystal clear voice: “Please stop yelling, you’re scaring my sister.” They stopped! Your Intrepid Reporter suggests the munchkin-peacemaker ought to be sent to some of the world’s hot spots to impart her innocent wisdom.

Metaphor or Reality? Department:
Robert Watt, a leading stonemason, has written a letter to the Feds advising that parts of the Parliament buildings are in grave danger of collapse. Visitors to the Nation’s capital probably noticed a large section of the building is wrapped to prevent anyone being hurt by falling debris. Forgive me for thinking there’s something metaphorical about the buildings being at risk of collapse, when what goes on inside is equally close to collapsing under the pressure of Question Period childishness.

Vol. II No. 31

Congrats, Blessings and Really Good Wishes Department:
Erin and Jeremy are proud parents of a new lad. Delivered early on the morning of May 7, he checked in at 6 lbs, 13 oz. Everybody healthy. The little guy doesn’t know yet how blessed he is to have the love of two of the kindest people on Spaceship Earth. He will, and God is smiling.

Statistical Bugs Department:
You are more likely to be killed by a lawnmower than by a black-widow spider. Now that’s good information to have. Inquiring Minds (I.M.) wonder what would happen if you found a spider sitting on your lawn mower?

40th Anniversaries Department:
Two events that happened 40 years ago are worthy of note: The Leafs last won a Stanley Cup, and Expo 67 ran in Montreal. If you remember either of these momentous occasions think back on what you were doing, what your dreams were, and where you thought would be when the annivresaries were celebrated. Yikes!

It’s About Money Department:
Don Imus launched legal action against CBS for his recent firing. Seems he’d like $120 million for his troubles. At least one legal guru thinks he has a good case, since the man’s contract calls for him to be “controversial”.

Explain and You Lose Department:
Elizabeth May, embattled boss-lady of the Green Party, tried to explain her remarks that compared Stephen Harper’s handling of the environment to Neville Chamberlain’s handling of the nazis. Chalk this one up to political naiveté. Two things worth mentioning that she needs to put in her bag o’political tricks: Avoid mention of nazis anywhere, and anytime; and don’t explain stuff. Just apologize and shut up.

Same Lesson, Different Player Department:
Justin Trudeau needs a history lesson. Got himself elected as the Liberal candidate in Papineau and a few days later forgot what his dad had done to guarantee bilingual schools in our fair land. In a speech to New Brunswick teachers he noted that two systems are divisive and maybe we ought to consider scrapping the idea. Not smart, Justin. Major rule in the business of giving speeches: Know your audience.

Your Intrepid Reporter (I.R.) suggests Stephan Dion put Ms. May and young M. Trudeau into the same Sensitivity training courses.